


Still Apart

by chemically_imbalanced_romance



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ALL CAPS, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Hatred, Yelling, feelings of worthlessness, ruthless insults, semi-happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24167440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemically_imbalanced_romance/pseuds/chemically_imbalanced_romance
Summary: "Please don’t think about why you can’t sleep in the evening" and "Pay some respects for the path that they paved" with creativitwins angst, mayhaps?
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	Still Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Ooh boy I’ve never written creativitwins before? Platonic isn’t really my favourite thing to write so I threw in some royality and dukeceit for health reasons. Anyway, I think these prompts sparked a cool idea. I didn’t use them word for word in the story because that felt forced, so you’ll have to use your big boy brains to make the connection.   
>  Oh yeah! And can someone tell me what that second phrase is from? I haven’t heard that one!

Remus kept Roman awake at night.

He didn’t mean to- At least, Roman didn’t  _ think _ he meant to. But they were more connected than any other two sides, and when they Split, some things didn’t… Completely severe. 

Remus’s intrusive thoughts echoed through Roman’s head, berating and persistent and angry. Remus hated himself, hated Roman, hated the King, hated all of them, and there was no way for either of them to ignore that. 

But the words themselves weren’t what caused Roman’s insomnia. The thing that bothered him so deeply, that kept him awake night after night, never ceasing his work in ditch attempts to distract himself, was that Roman agreed with every word that was said. 

When Remus’s voice whispered that he was worthless, it didn’t matter whether Roman was eavesdropping on a personal conversation between Remus and Remus, or taking an insult for himself. The voice was right. 

Patton did his best to help, but like Roman’s art, they were poor attempts. He distracted Roman by watching movies with him, by making him laugh, by telling him jokes, by forcing him into bed when he was too run down and holding him until he fell asleep. Even though they didn’t really work, Roman was grateful. He didn’t know if he’d be able to hold on without Patton.

One day Roman woke up to a particularly loud shout. His eyes snapped open, but his boyfriend laid asleep in front of him, undisturbed. He sidled into Patton’s arms and nuzzled up under his chin, letting Patton’s smell and his breathing calm him back down. In his sleep, Patton’s arms came to wrap around Roman’s waist, holding him tightly. 

“Love you,” he mumbled in his sleep, and Roman smiled. 

He relaxed and closed his eyes, and almost fell back asleep. 

_ “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!”  _

Roman tensed and let out a whimper. 

_ “How could you fuck that up?! It’s so simple! Janus is going to KILL you! He SHOULD kill you! He’s so patient with you and you go and do something like this? He’s going to pin you down and shove his arm down your throat and rip out your heart. He’s going to push you through the floor and into the Subconscious and you’re going to rot down there, and you’ll never be able to bother Thomas again. You’ll never be able to take up  _ space _ again. And Thomas will finally have one Creativity and things will start to make sense again. You deserve this. You deserve this. You deserve this.”  _

__ “Patton,” Roman gasped, desperately trying to wake him up. “Patton- Patton, I need you!” 

“Ro?” His voice was still thick with sleep, but he sat up and pulled Roman with him, eyes wide in panic. “Ro, what’s going on? Are you okay?” 

Roman gripped his head and sobbed. He pulled at his hair and tried to get the voice to stop, to leave him alone, to fall out through his ears. 

_ “You’re worthless. You’re broken. You don’t deserve to be here.” _

__ “Hey, hey.” Patton’s soft voice cut through like a knife cutting through bread. He took Roman’s hands and pulled them from his hair. 

Roman looked at him with bleary, teary eyes and Patton’s face crumpled in sadness. He pulled Roman into his arms and hugged him tight enough to hurt. 

“Stay with me, my love. You know it’s not true. You are so important, and you work so hard. Everyone can see it. I’m so sorry this is happening, my love, I’m so sorry. Just stay with me and listen to my voice, okay? Are you listening?”

“I’m still listening.”

“Good. Did you dream last night? Did it give you any new ideas?”

He sniffled and nuzzled into Patton’s shoulder. “I… I think so, it was… Um…”

As Roman struggled to remember his dream and tell Patton about his new idea, drowning out the voice still barking in his head, Remus curled up against the foot of his bed, hyperventilating and sobbing. 

His door creaked open, and moments later Janus’s strong hands were pulling him out of his cocoon. Janus’s gloveless palms rested on either side of Remus’s face. 

“Darling, what happened?” He murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead. It was times like these, Janus knew, where it was critical to remain calm, to be the antithesis to Remus’s breakdown. “What’s got you so worked up?”

“I broke it,” he whimpered. “It was almost finished and I broke it, and now- And now-”

“Shhh.” Janus brushed his hair back with his scaled hand, pressing the cool skin on the back of his head against Remus’s forehead. “You can tell me in a second, okay? Breathe. Breathe with me.” 

“No, I can’t, it’s broken, and if I can’t even do that-”

“You are not broken.” Janus took his hands and laced their fingers, and squeezed. “Look at me.  _ You are not broken _ . There is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are and what you do, and if Thomas repressing you causes you to overcompensate a little… It’s in a side’s nature.” He kissed along Remus’s knuckles, repeating the monologue he’s said a million times, the one he’d continue to say as long as he needed to. “When the King split, and you were abandoned, it had nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do with who you are and what you did. You are not the rotten part of King Romulus. You are not the unwanted part. 

“And just because the King is gone, doesn’t mean he isn’t important anymore. He continues to make an impact on the Mindscape, and by extension, so do you. As long as you are a part of him- Which you always will be -then you are a part of Thomas. You are still allowed to be here.” Janus pressed two fingers to Remus’s forehead, and Remus giggled weakly. “And I will fight for that right for as long as it takes.” 

Remus curled up in his boyfriend’s arms, and Janus kissed him softly, mind already working on how to help Remus get back on track with his project. 

There would be many more times where Remus’s thoughts would get the better of the brothers, and they would probably never go to each other. Roman would probably never tell Remus the damage he did to him.   


But Roman had Patton, and Remus had Janus. And that was enough.   


**Author's Note:**

> psst listen to still apart by varsity uwu


End file.
